Every person is good by nature and by birth. Initially, a child looks at their relatives and sees themselves through their attitude, like in a mirror.  If parents, brothers, and sisters are kind to him, then he forms an ideal picture of the world: I am smart, good, I will succeed, those around me are happy for me and will always protect me.

And one day everything collapses:

• A relative or close person can hurt, humiliate or even betray
• Turns out, not so beautiful, smart, and good after all
• In one minute the world becomes different - hostile

These are all consequences of psychological trauma, it cannot be prepared for, it catches the child off guard, overturning everything, plunging them into a state of helplessness and inability to protect themselves.

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At the moment of trauma, a child falls into an emotional stupor, and as a result, cannot get angry and fight back.

Only after some time does the realization occur - horror, shame, fear, etc., there is a feeling that things will never be the way they were.

During the trauma, the following mechanism works:

1.  Control over the situation is lost
2.  There is a total fear of the new and unpredictable - change, from this moment the child carefully considers possible moves and consequences, avoids risk.

 As a result, anxiety and the desire to control everything becomes an obsession and a daily ritual.

The younger the child, the greater the chance that a serious and unprocessed trauma may be repressed from consciousness. Unfortunately, that's how defense mechanisms work.  The trauma may not be remembered for years, but its consequences continue to work and determine the "strange behavior" of an already grown person.

But the worst thing is that the child, growing up, unconsciously creates their world and environment in such a way as to reproduce the traumatic events. If, for example, they had problems with classmates in school years, then as an adult, they will provoke their environment in such a way that rejection is inevitable.

A girl who had a father who was an alcoholic, a drug addict, etc. will find herself a similarly "deficient" husband.  If she was beaten in childhood, she will most likely provoke this with her partner too, and so on. 

Childhood trauma is considered not properly dealt with if:

• The child has not discussed the "situation" with an adult they trust
• Independently concluded the injustice of the surrounding world
• If the situation was very dangerous for the child's psyche and they do not remember it at all or "skip" into consciousness everything except the traumatic emotions and feelings
• If the child did not show or did not allow themselves to even feel aggression towards the person who traumatized them, usually a close person
• If the child has an unresolved internal contradiction: the one who should love and protect hurts and humiliates
• If the child experienced a sense of insecurity, and support was simply not provided

To bring "fresh" trauma to the surface, an atmosphere of unconditional acceptance and trust must be created, then focus on the child's feelings, especially those they avoid, understand how they perceive the world and how they see themselves in this traumatic situation.

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If the child is still young, then you need to:

• Draw, preferably with paints and fingers
• Invent fairy tales about the traumatic situation and change the plot to a "happy end"
• Play out the situation with toys.

 When a child is under 10, you must organize them a space and opportunity to talk/play out the situation, so that the trauma manifests in drawings, games, conversations. The child needs attentiveness and support from an important adult if there are still any they trust.

But if you see that the child cannot experience the "fresh" trauma, do not wait until they "bury" it, contact a child psychologist, because the consequences of unresolved trauma will definitely affect the child's subsequent life, and "accessing it" will be more challenging over time.

 Remember, initially, the inner reality of a child is happiness, trust in the world, belief in their abilities, interest in life, joy, and success. Ensure that the inner reality of your grown child is the same.  

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