Often, due to our upbringing and life experiences, we sincerely believe that we owe something to someone, and this significantly holds us back in life. Here are 10 things that are important to forgive yourself for and part with forever.

1. Self-blame. It happens, at first we create an ideal situation for ourselves, take responsibility to handle it, and then start blaming ourselves for not succeeding. What actually happens: we feel guilty for unreal, imaginary things, and our real self suffers from it.

Solution: take on responsibility only for actions and deeds that are right for you, and get rid of patterns imposed by society. This means taking responsibility only for yourself, your life, building it as you wish, managing it independently, and stop whining. Only responsibility can prevent or minimize the negative consequences of actions and rid you of the most toxic feeling - guilt, which is about complete inaction against self-deprecation. Explore and double-check! Ask yourself questions: «What is my responsibility towards myself, my spouse, children, parents, friends, relatives, bosses, etc.?»

2. Apology. When we apologize to someone, a mechanism similar to blame is triggered: in our reality, we fantasize about an ideal situation, and then, not meeting our own expectations, we intrude into another person's reality through apologies. Of course, apologies are important to establish or maintain contact with another person after disputes or misunderstandings. But in such situations, it is more important not to lose contact with yourself, your thoughts, and feelings. There's no need to apologize at any cost, only if you truly want to.

 Solution: to avoid situations where apologies are unavoidable, live in a balance of sincerity - politeness and communicate with others through «I-message», talk about what you see, feel and how you want to act in connection with this.  

3.Forgiveness. «Forgiveness is liberation». Familiar phrase? Forgiveness makes us better, not necessarily for others, but definitely for ourselves. But what to do if the wounds are so fresh or deep that forgiving means betraying yourself? Maybe someday, when the wounds turn into scars, you will be ready, but for now, you have the right to express how you feel, even if it's the phrase: «I will never forgive you!». Maybe, just this phrase will allow you to forgive yourself, and by forgiving yourself, you will definitely be able to forgive others.

 Solution: it's important to learn to feel and hear yourself, to accept yourself as you are, because only by learning to do this with yourself can we do the same with others.

Also read: Self-Worth and Success: Is There a Connection? Top 10 Rules of Successful Women..

4. Relationships with parents and the whole family. Often, the reason for seeking therapy is destructive family settings and concepts. And only by realizing and changing them into resourceful ones, it becomes possible to separate your life from the lives of your parents or relatives. We cannot choose parents or relatives, but what we can definitely do is try to build relationships, while respecting our boundaries, and if it doesn't work and such relationships continue to destroy you, then distance yourself, and sometimes even cut ties. The main thing is to remember that everything is in your hands.

Solution: accept any life experience as a resource, it's good to ask yourself questions like «How is this about me, what does this situation teach me, why do I allow others to invade my life, what distance is comfortable for me on the level of body, activity or contacts?»

5. Egoism. A healthy sense of egoism, when a person first takes care of themselves and then of others, is the secret to success and a happy life, because only by initially satisfying their own needs, a person can share their abilities with others, doing so only when they want to while respecting their boundaries and those of others. Unfortunately, in a collectivist society, we were taught that egoism is a very bad quality, where you're either like everyone else or an egoist.

Solution: realize your importance to yourself, people come into your life and go, but the relationship with yourself is forever.

6. Self-love. We are not perfect, so how to deal with that? There is often a phrase: «Just love yourself as you are and everything will be fine»! But what if you don't feel self-love? It's normal, look at the situation from a different perspective. Through this awareness, you see in yourself "undeveloped" and usually very resourceful areas and you know exactly what you want to change and how to do it with love and care for yourself. And these insights are worth a lot.

Solution: as soon as you realize, it's important to move to the next stage, place yourself in conditions where changes are inevitable.

7. Excess weight. An approaching vacation or holidays are always a reason to start worrying about your figure. Are the forms okay? If not, congratulations! And I'm not joking. Because diets and sports make sense and work if required by health and it's not a seasonal campaign, but a way of life. And models in magazines with thin waists - it's just their job.

 Solution: as soon as a person takes responsibility for their health, the lifestyle changes by default, and it's possible that along with it, new forms, values, and new people will come into your life.

8. Career. Nowadays, both men and women do amazing things on their career path - constant professional growth, daily stresses at work in companies that don't even belong to them. At the same time, they try to keep their relationships with their spouse in shape, raise children, manage the household, and manage to look good. Why do they do it? Is this the only path to success? And the time for themselves, rest, entertainment will come later when the money is earned, children are raised, educated and preferably settled?

Solution: imagine yourself at the age of about 60, and think about what you would like to try, to live through by this moment in your life, and what you are ready to leave for later and just act.

9. Prudence. It's somewhat reminiscent of a mother's strictness with a newborn baby. You strictly follow all the prescriptions: feed on time, change the diaper on time, hold them as written in books, but the baby cries, and the joy of motherhood never comes.

 Solution: find the little child in yourself and give them everything and in the amounts they ask for, and believe that the childish excitement and joy are unforgettable feelings even in adulthood.

10. Being right. Today books on «How to find a partner for life» or «How to make him/her fall in love with you» are quite popular, creating the illusion that the perfect partner exists and is always smiling, friendly, does not need their own life, is content to just be with you, looks at you, breathes the same air, reads any of your desires, and most importantly never complains. How does that sound? Overlook yourself, your life, desires, needs, become the last letter in the alphabet, but be in a relationship? Slightly exaggerated, but only to draw attention to the paradox of the situation: what we fight for, we end up with. Every day we face assertions and rules of what we should and should not do to «be good people», and that's the bad news, but the good news is that the limitations are only in our heads and you can do ANYTHING, but first, you have to take responsibility for your life.

Solution: Just try!

  iPsycholog - Your Psychologist Online.