That's exactly how my client's husband responded to the suggestion of attending a psychological session together👀
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Usually, people go to psychologists to save their relationships. They hope that with the help of a psychologist, they will be able to "reach" their partner. Or they will work through their negative scenarios and psychological traumas and then live in a happy relationship.
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And that can indeed happen. But... it's not so simple.
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Modern psychoanalysis or any adequate psychotherapy does not aim to preserve the relationship at any cost.
The goal of working with a psychologist is to increase one's own adequacy and the skill to rely on reality, not just on one's own desires and fantasies. Also, to strengthen one's psyche to be able to handle it all.
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There's nothing wrong with fantasies. Seriously. As long as we can distinguish them from the actual situation we're in.
Can we always distinguish everything accurately and promptly?🤔
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So the result of quality psychotherapy with a request to improve relationships does not necessarily mean the preservation of these relationships.
Sometimes it can mean a breakup. But a conscious one, with an understanding of one's needs and expectations. With the choice of what's best for oneself.
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In fact, ending a relationship is not at all bad if it doesn't suit you, makes your life worse, unjustifiably limited, and you feel unhappy.
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It's better to figure this out as early as possible and not to waste time and nerve cells on endless doubts.
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On the other hand, by figuring out the relationship with a partner in psychotherapy, a person inevitably comes to the necessity of clarifying their relationship with themselves and the reality around them.
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So, if you find it difficult to understand your relationships. If you don't understand what the problem is: a lack of skills to build communication, unrealistic expectations, childhood "traumas," or whether you and your partner really aren't compatible with each other.
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Or if you've fallen into some unpleasant scenario with repeated negative experiences, violence, or who knows what else painful... I invite you to individual therapy. Let's figure it out together💚